accepting that you are unique

I know that this sounds like an open-ended question, but how often have you put something off while you are waiting for something to change? Whether this change is in your environment, your lifestyle, or within yourself, the sense of inertia will probably be the same. We all have so many outside influences on how we feel about ourselves, and our lives, that it is often very difficult to just take the time to think about your life and how you spend it.

Are you delaying doing something until everything is just right? An example of this might be not starting your own business until the children leave home, or you buy a bigger house, finish the garden redesign, or you win the lottery? When you consider your image, many women understandably get stuck in a rut, or find that their wardrobes and their current lifestyles don’t mix well. If you have a lot of clothes you don’t wear, can you identify why this is? Are you keeping them until you lose weight, change shape, or do you think they might come back into fashion, you might need them for a new job, or they’ll suddenly become collectible? Or perhaps it is as simple as they no longer work with the life that you are leading now?

Written by Milly Churchill

your mindset reflected in your image

It is generally said that your image is the reflection of your thoughts rather than your reality. Style is unique and there are infinite variations to any given circumstance. However, your persona, how others see you, is fundamentally your most individual quality. If you feel confident in your image then you probably look good and vice-versa. Creating a well curated wardrobe, where you wear most of your clothes more of the time will build on this confidence, and will also save you time and money.

Getting the balance right for your life will mean that you can adapt easily between different needs. Taking a realistic look at your wardrobe, so that it is a reflection of the inspiration and aspirations that you have, is something that many of us don’t take the time to do. When you feel confident in your image and styling, that really does affect how you interact with the world. When you are happy, that will rub off on others. Any actions you take can also mean that you become a role model for your friends and family.

Confidence can open doors that you might not have previously felt were open to you. It is worth spending a bit of time to work out how you spend your life, and whether you have the wardrobe to support it. Being comfortable and wearing clothes that work with your lifestyle is the basis of creating a style blueprint that will work for all sorts of different scenarios. Because we are all unique and have very different lifestyles, this exercise isn’t designed to create a list of what you ‘should’ wear. There is no one size fits all answer to any sartorial dilemma. The purpose of the following questions is to prompt you to be creative and discover what works for you.

So how can you be confident that you have clothes and accessories that will work for lots of occasions, and that fill you with joy when you are wearing them?

do you live a different life to your wardrobe?

let’s start with some clarity

What is your current lifestyle? What do you actually do on a daily, weekly, monthly basis? Either think about an imaginary week or month, or take some time and make notes in real time. We all make allowances and think we will remember, but when you write something down it does take on more meaning.

Looking at the table below, why not copy it and fill in your own experiences? This will give you a visual representation of your time, and might throw up some surprises. Just tick in whatever boxes are appropriate for you.

Once you have considered what you do during your week, can you think about the clothes you have? Consider everything when you are looking through your collection. Do you have lots of shoes or handbags, or lots of jewellery and scarves? When you are building a cohesive collection to work for the life you have now, the addition of accessories can make a dramatic intervention. If you can change the look of something with your shoes or jewellery, that will extend your choices without needing to have so many clothes. Now can you repeat this thinking over a month?

With a better idea of how much time you spend in different situations over the course of a week or month, you can get a better picture of your dressing requirements. When you know many times you need a posh frock, you can think about how many you actually have in your wardrobe, and whether you wear them or are they just cluttering your space? Getting the balance between what you need and what you have is key to having a wardrobe that works. Creating an image that you love, and that gives you confidence and pleasure, then becomes more of a reality.

Now is not the time to rush to your wardrobe and throw everything out, think of it as a reason to understand why you may have lots of clothes but are constantly trying to find something to wear. If you spend your days in ‘smart casual’ but have half of your cupboard full of suits and evening wear, then you have a wardrobe that doesn’t match your lifestyle. Lots of clothes, but not that much that is suitable for your lunch date tomorrow. Perhaps you have found that you wear the same thing day after day to the office, because your wardrobe is still full of the clothes you had when you were at home with your children. Getting the balance right, where what you have works with what you need, is where your sweet spot is.

Dressing generally has become much more casual over the last decade. With some obvious exceptions, there are few places you can’t go in clothes you might also wear to the supermarket. Building a collection of clothes and accessories around your actual needs can create a much better environment for a way of simple and stress-free dressing.

working with imagery

 Have you ever thought about creating a vision board? These can be a physical thing where you cut out images from magazines etc., or they can be virtual, on an app like Pinterest. Don’t edit what you do, there is no prize for neatness or colour co-ordination. Use the exercise as brain dump of the colours and designs that attract you. Be inspired and creative rather than stick to the tried and tested choices you might have made in the past. You will find lots of information online if you want to further explore the power of these simple tools. If you have a lot of pictures of clothes on models, are you sure it is the clothes that attract you rather than the whole carefully staged image? A quick way of checking this is to place the image in front of you and put your thumb over the face. Do you still like the clothes, or has the photographer done an amazing job in creating a compelling image from some sadly uninteresting clothes?

Thinking about the images that came from your vision boards, and the clothes and the people that inspire you, how can you bring those ideas back and make them work in the reality of your own life? What do you like about your board or boards? Is it the colours, the shapes, the patterns or something else? It could be that several things appeal, but to begin with you need to be able to narrow your options. Is there a dominant colour palette that springs out at you, or a style of jacket, or perhaps there is a feeling of freedom, or you are drawn to a classic theme?

Most of us will have clothes in our wardrobes that stretch back over many years, if not decades, and this exercise is not an excuse to throw everything out and start again. Identifying and then building on the clothes you love and that work for you is key. From this position, you can gradually remove those items that either don’t make you feel good, or don’t fit in with your vision. If you can find a way to make this a positive experience and not a chore, you will take a great step towards simplifying your life with very little hassle. You may be sorting things out and tidying up but think about what you’re going to gain rather than seeing it as a negative job. The result of having clothes that work with your life and your style is a great thing, so embrace it for what it is, positive change.

creating your individual look

Are you stuck in a rut? Are you wearing the same style of clothes day after day, and year after year? I’m pretty sure that we can all identify with this pattern, but are we identified by this pattern? I have friends, and I’m sure you will have as well, who you can describe by what they wear. “Oh, you know Anna, she’s the one over there who always wears patterned knitwear”, or “that must be Becky because she is dressed in purple”. But is that a problem? I would say it definitely isn’t if you have made these choices consciously? The way you dress has become part of who you are, it has become part of your identity.

Where this doesn’t work so well is if your individual style is something you have fallen into by default rather than by design. If you find that your current way of dressing has become a bit dull, ageing and boring, it is probably not a reflection on who you feel like inside. Given the relationship between how you look and how you feel, dull and ageing clothes will probably make you feel older and less interesting than you are. Updating your style could be just the nudge you need to feel younger and more vibrant, and to build creativity and confidence.

Creating a ‘recipe’ for the styles that you want to wear will mean that your collection of clothes will work better for your lifestyle. What do I mean by recipe? In my mind this is a tried and tested way of putting clothes together, It doesn’t matter what your particular styling preferences are, the recipe concept will work regardless. If you like dresses and colour and then this design style will form the basis of your recipe, and don’t think you have to be constrained and only acknowledge one recipe. You can have a sportswear recipe or a business suited recipe, or whatever recipe suits you and your life. When you look at what you wore yesterday, or last week, can you see similarities? Are you always in trousers of some sort and a jumper? Perhaps you always wear skirts? Do you prefer to have a navy theme going on, or would floral dresses be you go-to choice?

The important thing to remember is that this is a recipe, a plan for dressing that makes you feel confident and comfortable, this is not a straitjacket. There is always room to expand and change your styling and your image choices. Knowing that you have options, but also knowing that you are now able to build from a solid core of great dependable clothes, means no more panic buying or random purchases in the sales. You know what works for you and have identified what gaps you might have in your wardrobe, so you can now be far more conscientious in your spending.

dressing to impress   

The best wardrobe is full of the right clothes for you, for your colouring, your figure and importantly for your lifestyle. Getting your collection to work for you will save both time and money. Time spent buying and looking for something to wear can feel very frustrating. Having clarity about what you have, and any known gaps, will also save you money because your future purchases will only be thoughtful purchases, rather than those random panic buys. Creating a wardrobe that will cover all eventualities, without too much duplication, and that has been consciously thought through, means that you won’t be able to make choices that don’t flatter you. It also means that you can easily find something to wear that will make you feel great for every eventuality and occasion.

Whatever the moral virtues, or your own opinion, you will sadly still be judged by what you wear. You are, I am, the person at the supermarket is, and anyone on TV or wherever else has their image analysed by everyone they see or meet. Not only are you judged, but collectively we have all somehow become preconditioned to make the same general judgements. If you put 10 women with different backgrounds or jobs in an identity line, people will make unconscious judgements. These will probably include thoughts about education, earning potential, status and several other things based solely on what these women are wearing, and how they have been styled. The interesting thing is that on most occasions the judgements from the observer will be broadly the same. People will decide on your social status by your image, your education and earning potential by your image, whether you are happy or depressed all based on your image. They may all be completely wrong but in the first few seconds of seeing or meeting someone, all these subliminal messages have been processed and filed in the human brain, solely based on what you look like.

to reimagine or to reinvent?

Who would want to start a wardrobe from scratch, even with money no object? Where would you even start? While there may be a part of you that wants to change everything in one go, for most women, that will not be an expression of reality. It is like reinventing yourself overnight. How difficult would that be? Go to bed one evening as you, and re-emerge the next day as a reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe? I think that makeovers are rather like starvation diets, you might get a quick result but they’re impossible to keep up, and you quickly find yourself back where you started.

The most sustainable change comes gradually, beginning with a feeling, then an idea, and finally an intention. All this happens way before any action is taken. For the purpose of pursuing an image that really fills you with confidence and joy, surely it is better to reimagine your current look? For this you will need a plan. By re-examining your ongoing relationship with the clothes you already have, the result can be cathartic, and is a far better option than throwing the metaphorical ‘baby out with the bath water’.

When you change things at your own pace, and accept the process as a continual work in progress, you can start to think differently about your clothes, your image and your surroundings. Not only that, but it will also allow your family and friends to share and be engaged with your renewed confidence and sense of achievement. The aim of this piece has been examining how you feel about your image, your clothes and your life. The interconnection between these aspects is always there, front and centre in your life, every single day. Take time just to sit for a minute, or several minutes, and think about how you will feel when you dress in a way that makes you happy. Knowing that your confidence will grow, with a wardrobe of clothes that you love, that has all developed from a very simple plan, is very satisfying. Whatever situation comes along in your life, your style and your image will be working for you.

milly’s top tips:

• Once you start to feel different you probably won’t want to go back to a previous world where you didn’t make any changes.

• If you have an achievable vision, you have options. Experimenting with your image can be as permanent as you want it to be.

• If you don’t feel comfortable with the results, change your design inspirations.

• You are in control, and because you are doing this for you there is no right or wrong in the whole equation

• I think it’s much better to have a go and see what happens, than to stay stuck where you are, same clothes, same image and probably the same lack of confidence?

• You never know, the changes could transform how you feel and how the world sees you, and if you don’t like what you see, you can always go back.